Helmet of Horror by Victor Pelevin

Author:Victor Pelevin [Victor Pelevin]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781847676269
Publisher: Canongate Books
Published: 2009-06-14T16:00:00+00:00

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Are you sure it was a Rolls-Royce?

IsoldA

Of course. It had the initials ‘RR’ and a little Oscar with wings on the radiator, like they all have.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Then it wasn’t a jeep. Rolls-Royce don’t make jeeps.

IsoldA

Romeo, I can tell my SUV from my elbow. I even saw the name of the model – ‘Full Drive Shadow’ I think it was. That’s the whole point. It was an artist’s fantasy, but it was so convincing I could see straight away that if Rolls-Royce decided to make an SUV they’d have to make the car that was painted there; circumstances would simply force them to do it. The jeep was made of gold and steel, like an exquisite watch. To say it looked impressive gives you no idea. If the space shuttle and the most expensive diamond necklace in the world could together produce a son, then it would probably look just like that when it grew up. In front of the jeep was a platform with steps. I mean the platform wasn’t in the picture, it was on the floor of the room, real, made of wooden boards. And the jeep’s windows were real too, tinted glass that looked black and there were skis and a surfboard on its roof.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Real ones?

IsoldA

The skis and the board were painted. But the rack they were attached to, or that they looked as if they were attached to in the painting, was real, made of steel and gold.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

What kind of rack?

IsoldA

I don’t know what its proper name is – the kind they make so you can tie on what you carry on the roof. There were loops of black leather hanging from it, like the ones used for doing gymnastics; they were real as well. And, apart from that, the door handles and the hub-caps were real – and they were made of steel and gold too.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Did you try opening the door?

IsoldA

I told you, there weren’t any doors, only handles. But I didn’t even get a chance to touch them. The moment I took a couple of steps towards the jeep, its window began slowly winding down. Some kind of mechanism must have switched on. I really wanted to find out what was behind the glass, but the light began to fade, and a few seconds later it was dark. Exactly the same thing as happened to you, in fact. I climbed up on the platform and touched the wall where the window of the jeep had been. There was a gap there now. I ran my hand round its edge. It really felt like a car window. But the window hadn’t opened all the way and the gap wasn’t big enough to climb through the wall. There was a slight draught from the window, as if there was an air-conditioner working inside. And I thought I caught a faint glimpse of light. I leaned down to look inside, but as soon as my face was level with the opening something bumped against my cheek and I heard a terrible howl.

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